Cue “Somebody’s watching me,” by Rockwell.
I'm gonna start this blog post off by saying, there's some irony in the fact that he (my ex/narc) recently told me to screenshot and go to the police about her stalking my tik tok page. Especially when he apparently told her to do the same thing when I confronted her via messenger for sleeping with my husband years ago.
After all, narcissists don't change their plays, they simply adjust defenses.
So this particular subject recently came up on my Instagram page, and I figured I'd go on ahead and put my two cents out there.
So why is it, if he is supposedly happy, and has his dream relationship with his new supply, that this new supply feels the need to stalk the old supply's social media? The quick answer to that is: for answers.
Just as a tiger doesn't change its stripes, a narcissist doesn't change his or her patterns. I can in fact attest to that, and have plenty of receipts to support. That's what we narc supplies do right, collect receipts? We do in fact make it a habit to keep receipts-not because we feel the need to prove to anyone what we are already aware of deep down in our hearts-but we keep receipts in order to get ANSWERS. Nothing more, nothing less. We are not “crazy” as the narcissist makes us feel or appear, but our encounters with THEM simply leave so many holes and questions in our minds that we have no choice but to document things, compare notes and dates, sometimes in order to be able to make heads or tales of what’s going on with the narc.
A common tactic that many narcissists use in order to make their supply question themselves and their judgement is known as "crazy making." No need for further explanation, the name basically says it all. They try to make you feel crazy. By making you question yourself and your own sanity, narcissists are able to make you feel more dependent on them, enhances the trauma bond they have over you, thus maintaining their control.
Some examples of crazy making are:
- Your partner insisting that something happened or didn't happen when you (and he) knows damn well it did not. Example: "I definitely invited you to the cookout, you just chose not to come. Meanwhile: you and your properly functioning mind knows they never told you about it. Disclaimer: if it happens once, you can probably say "oh, shit happens," but a pattern: HES CRAZY MAKING!
- Passive aggressive behavior. I don't think this needs further explanation.
- Everything is somehow always YOUR fault. Example: you come home early from work and find him with another woman in your home. It's not his fault he was caught, it's YOURS for coming home early. (See how stupid that sounds?)
- Projection. Example: calling you out of your name. Mine loved to call me a "c*m dumpster." He even called me that 5 days after I gave birth to his namesake. I digress. Another example: accusing you of doing something you're not. Here's a hint: whatever they're accusing you of, they're the ones actually doing it. You're welcome 😉
Maybe it is in fact ironic, but most likely it's actually HIStory repeating itself. In other words, same playbook, different defense 😉
To sum this all up, I'm going to go on ahead and be the first one to say, I know she's not stalking my social media because she's crazy. I know there's nothing wrong with that girl, after all, she is now me, and I was once her. I actually feel sorry for her. And I want her to know I pray for her (she'll know soon, after all, once she finds out I have this blog site, I'm sure she will head here too). Anyway, I know she's not crazy, she's just looking for answers. Only thru educating herself on what she's experiencing will she truly learn know those answers. But basically: he's running the same plays, different defense. He ain't gone change boo. He ain't.
I once was lost, but now I'm educated.