I was hoovered, on my birthday 😂.
Today's my birthday y'all! I'm officially 516 months old! So of course, I'm being pampered and taken good care of by my family, but I also got a bit of a giggle out of someone from my past: I was HOOVERED by a manipulative ex.
This time it's not my ex narc , and I won't go so far as to say this person is necessarily a narcissist, BUT they're definitely a manipulative personality which is why they're no longer in my life.
Any who, anyone ever heard of the stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle? Well, there's 4; like to hear them, here they go:
We're gonna break these stages down a little more in a future blog post, but for today we're just gonna talk about stage 4, the Hoover.
Hoovering, hilariously named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner, is the point after the narcissist discarded you for a new supply, but they still don't wanna really let you go because you still hold some "value" to them. This is the part where they try to suck you back in again, so that they can start their abuse cycle all over again.
How was I hoovered? So this particular person is extremely toxic, to the point that I've actually had to block from my phone, my email, all social media, etc. He's one of those commitment issues type of guys, just hit the kind who can sit still in any relationship or situation for a very long period of time, but still wants you there when he's ready. He has a habit of discarding you, coming around when it's convenient for HIM, then disappearing and popping back up weeks/months later when HE feels like it. Reels you in then disappears, aka Hoover's you. I for one am now a Hoover outmaneuverer, so I'm officially immune to his games at this point. In order to not fall back into another toxic cycle with him, I just chose to block him completely.
So said person, I spent about a year and a half with in a relationship, which equated to two birthdays and one Valentine's Day, for which he never bought me a gift, so much as a card or balloon for. I had some issues with not being acknowledged on special days, and brought them up at some point, and he basically didn't care (he's not a feel-y type of person lol, even made fun of me for expressing mine to him a few times, but I digress ). So last night, I go outside to check the mailbox, and on my porch is a 1800 flowers delivery. Open it up, and guess what, 2 dozen roses from said person.
Now I don't want to sound ungrateful, I appreciate the flowers and they are beautiful. However, I recognize his pattern and I'm aware of exactly what he's trying to do: dangling a carrot in front of my face as an excuse to reinitiate communication, come around for a little bit, hang out, then disappear again back to doing his own thing again. I'm at a point in my life where I don't have time or energy for toxic or temporary. I'm not unblocking him, not even to say thank you. That's how he wiggles back in. So, someone tell him I said thanks for the Hoover, I mean, the flowers, but I'm good over here.
Educated Empaths unite! It's a new day!